She Thought She Needed a Mentor. What She Really Needed Was Discernment.
Jada came into this conversation and named something a lot of women feel when they are trying to grow, build, and trust themselves:
Sometimes the person guiding you is not really guiding you.
At other times, the support comes with conditions.
Sometimes the advice sounds loving, but leaves you doubting yourself.
And sometimes the real work is learning to trust your own voice again.
That is what made this episode land so deeply.
A lot of women learn to seek mentors before they learn how to measure safety, alignment, or reciprocity. They learn to feel grateful for access. They learn to feel grateful for attention. They also learn to feel grateful for being chosen. However, not every mentor is actually helping you grow.
That is the tension Jada names in this conversation.
She talks about how the mentor manipulator pattern shows up in families, workplaces, and entrepreneurship. She explains how fear and scarcity shape the way people guide others. Most importantly, she shows why collaboration can be healthier than hierarchy when you are building something of your own.
In this episode, we talk about honest feedback versus harmful projection, how values help you create real boundaries, and what support should actually feel like. We also talk about why micro-boundaries matter when you are trying to leave unhealthy dynamics without losing yourself.
Jada also shares how being told she was “too young” affected her confidence. She explains why true support does not come with hidden conditions. And she shows how meditation, solitude, and self-trust help protect her peace and leadership.
IN THIS EPISODE, WE DISCUSS:
05:34 — “Look for a collaborator.”
Jada explains why the word mentor can sometimes hide a power imbalance. As a result, collaborative relationships can create healthier growth.
09:53 — “You’re too young.”
One of the deepest moments in the episode. Jada shares how that message got planted early and how it continued shaping the way she saw herself in professional rooms.
12:23 — “The goal of the mentor manipulator is to disrupt your trust within yourself.”
A defining line in the conversation. This is where the episode names the real harm: not just bad advice, but the erosion of self-trust.
20:40 — “Honest feedback is given when it’s coming from a place of heart.”
Jada breaks down how to tell the difference between supportive feedback and feedback that is manipulative, performative, or rooted in someone else’s fear.
47:54 — “Find your values.”
A practical turning point in the episode. Norlander and Jada talk about values as the lens that helps you build boundaries, evaluate relationships, and decide what is actually serving you.
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
If you have been in a mentorship dynamic that left you confused, smaller, or more doubtful than when you entered it, let this be your reminder: support should not cost you your self-trust.
The Protect Yourself from the Ego-Driven Manager Roadmap will help you identify manipulative leadership dynamics. It will also help you understand what you are navigating so you can move with more clarity when support starts to feel controlling, conditional, or fear-based.
And if you’re ready for deeper support, honest reflection, and real-time conversations about burnout, identity, and rebuilding from the inside out, the Bikomeye Membership gives you a space to process, stabilize, and grow without hustling your way through healing.
MORE FROM US
- She Don’t Work Like That No More™ Membership
- The Protect Yourself from the Ego-Driven Manager Roadmap
- Leadership Assessment + Companion Books
HERE ARE THE 3 KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:
- Not every mentor is safe. Some people offer guidance while quietly disrupting your confidence, your trust, and your sense of readiness. This episode names the difference between support and control.
- Values make boundaries easier to build. One of the strongest practical insights in the conversation is this: when you know your values, you know what to measure people and environments against. That makes your boundaries clearer.
- Real support does not come with hidden conditions. Support can be emotional, financial, practical, or visible. But true support does not leave you more confused, smaller, or more dependent than before. Instead, it should help you feel clearer, steadier, and more like yourself.
MORE FROM JADA
ABOUT THE SHOW
She Don’t Work Like That No More™ started as a podcast but it’s become a space people come back to when they realize something isn’t sitting right anymore. It’s where we name the patterns burnout, overfunctioning, disappearing into roles and tell the truth about what it costs to keep performing your way through your own life. No quick fixes. No pretending. Just real conversations that help you see yourself clearly, sometimes for the first time.
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- Episode 6: Mentorship that hurts more than it helps | Women in Leadership Talk
- Episode 5: Why Strong Women Struggle to Feel Safe Without Control
- Episode 4: How to Take Feedback Without Losing Yourself as a Leader
- Episode 3: STOP Saying “I Work Better Under Pressure”. It’s a Trauma Pattern
- Episode 2: STOP Confusing Productivity With Worth